How Alan Partridge can ruin a sales pitch

by Charlie Wright

What if you’re an old-fashioned type of person?

What if you like the idea of your home computer generating the ‘buy’ and ‘sell’ signals for you… but also like to own the shares themselves?

Well, you might be interested in a tale of mine from the depths of the Biz Opp Jungle…
The story of me, Alan Partridge and the technical analysts

Back in 2002, I was sat in an Italian restaurant in central London with a friend, and a technical analyst.

Not my usual lunchtime, I’ll admit.

My friend and I were trying to convince the analyst to tip shares in a newsletter we hoped to write for a publishing company.

Technical analysts are a weird bunch. In my view, they’re the biz oppers of the trading world. Often self- taught, they’re fiercely independent and usually work from home in dark basement rooms.

And in those days, they were usually boozy old soaks.

Because if you think about it…

Technical analysis offers the ultimate independence.

You don’t need contacts in the industry. You don’t need to spend your time hustling in wine bars. All you need is a computer, and the knowledge of technical patterns

Then you simply look at historical cycles in the price of any share and follow the trend.

Computer buy signals flash up when you need to make your move. There are strict rules to follow so you don’t have to get emotionally involved or think too much. Buying shares is a matter of a 30 second phone call to your broker.

And if you’re buying and selling shares, it’s not a day trading thing. You are more likely to hold your shares for weeks… even months.

This means there’s loads of free time to sit back and get sozzled.

If that’s your thing.

Or maybe I’ve only met the weird ones

I’d met one technical analyst before, and he was as mad as a brick. A rake thin alcoholic ex-army officer in a tweed suit, who carried an umbrella and barked a lot.

But respect due. He’d made a lot of money playing with his chart signals.

The guy in the Italian restaurant was an imposing old man who wrote for many mainstream broadsheet newspapers. And he liked to remind you about it, too.

Thing is, none of that impressed me…

What impressed me was that he was the dad of Patrick Marber, a London playwright, and the guy who co-created Alan Partridge with Steve Coogan.


Being a bit of a Partridge obsessive, I ruined the meeting by drinking too much wine and barraging him with questions about his son.

He was fine with me at first. But being a little vain, and hugely interested in himself, he grew less impressed as the meeting wore on.

Besides, he was more proud of his son’s poncy playwriting than he was of the popular BBC comedy stuff.

I reckon he thought I was a bit of an oik.

And fair enough. Looking back on it, I was a clueless chancer getting drunk on his time, which is pretty funny.

As expected, nothing came of it in the end. He saw my proposed direct mail sales pitch – all shouty slogans and Sun-style lingo – and ran back to his cosy world of oak desks, exclusive bistros, and the Financial Times.

Okay, Charlie, so WHAT’S YOUR POINT?

What I’m trying to say… in my long-winded way…. is that in the old days, technical analysts were a stuffy, exclusive bunch.

They made a lot of money, but they were pretty up their own backsides when it came to giving away their secrets, or letting the common man in on the trick.

You were expected to follow their tips in various newsletters and newspapers, but you weren’t expected to learn how they did it. They liked to keep it close to their chests.

Things have changed.

With the advent of the Internet, and ever more sophisticated software programs, that are easy for anyone to use, the likes of you and me can have a go.

In a nutshell, the idea is this… ??You look at the historical piece chart of a share, like Vodafone or Sainsbury, for example. There are quite clear patterns, with up and down cycles.

The key is to get in at the beginning of an uptrend and out at the top again. You can buy into and out of the same share of the weekly, monthly, or even yearly cycle.

Unlike spread betting, you own the actual shares themselves. This means that the games are smaller – you are looking at 5 to 25% gains – but the risks are also smaller.??Really, it’s more like conventional investing, with a sophisticated scientific, modern edge. And with the right software and the right kind of tuition, you can do it, too.

Yes – it is possible to do this from home, in your spare time, as a home business. Nearly all pure chart analysts do. It’s a lonesome trade. For those who hate commuting and office parties.

If you fancy a go – risk free – then check out some of the reviews on this website.

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