My lungs have collapsed, but I can still laugh

Article by Charlie Wright

Cough. Splutter. Wheeze.

These are just three of the sounds you’d have heard over the last 4 days at my East London pad.

It started with a tight chest on Friday. By the next morning, I was barking like a Cocker Spaniel. By Saturday afternoon, I was at the level of an angry Labrador.

By the time I reached ‘Rottweiler’, the headache, earache, runny nose and severe sweats began.

By Sunday, I was demanding a priest, even though I’m not Catholic. It just seemed the right thing to do. Quite obviously, my lungs had collapsed.

But the only person who could help me – my girlfriend – had come down with the same thing! Sarah was slumped in the bed next to me, sounding like Darth Vadar with a cold.

I was certain. We’d both be found dead here in October.

All they’d find was our bodies among a pile of tissues, empty mugs, painkiller packets and a half-played game of Trivial Pursuits.

“How classy,” I thought. “I bet this would never happen to The Rich Jerk.”

Then it struck me…

You’d never even know I was dead!

I’d already written Sunday’s Biz Opp Jungle email on Friday. Sarah had set it up to go out automatically on Sunday. So it was going to land in your in-box, regardless.

How weird, I thought…

You’d be reading my latest email, thinking I was on top form. And yet I’d be slipping from this mortal coil… breathing my last… shuffling to the great business opportunity in the sky!

Luckily, I was still alive when I awoke on Monday.

Slowly, the horrors of daytime television pulled me out of my stupor. I watched ‘Jeremy Kyle’, ‘This Morning’, and then a panel talk show called ‘Loose Women’, which terrified me.

Four middle-aged women talking frankly about their sex-lives… for an HOUR?

Dear lord, nooooooooo!

It was enough to force me out of bed and to my computer. Coughing and spluttering, I began to check my emails and prepare for today’s email.

And, despite my pain, this still made me chuckle…

It’s a website for a guy called Pat Adams. Although when you first see it, you’ll think you’re about to learn the secrets of the Knights Templar… join the Masons… or meet Tutenkhamen on a space ship.

Now I don’t recommend you buy this… but if you want to see something really bizarre, check out this promotion.

That old Da Vinci Code chestnut

You can see the copywriter’s thought process on this one.

“Hmmm… we’re basically selling yet another biz opp about information marketing. People have seen this tonnes of times before and it’s nothing new, so let’s take a back route…

AHA! That’s it!

I’ll plug into the new Da Vinci Code craze! EVERYBODY loves the Da Vinci Code. I am a GENIUS.”

As someone trained in copywriting, I love to see really over-the-top stuff like this. But I don’t swallow it for a second.

Peel back the glitzy curtains, and it’s nothing special. The gist seems to be that you sell on Pat Adams’ products to other customers using Keywords and Adsense. It’s just like the stuff Andrew Reynolds and others are already promoting in the UK.

I’m not putting it down. These kinds of businesses do work, for sure. The Biz Opp Jungle includes most of their techniques. And there’s tonnes more I could do.

But I think there too much flabby copy and nonsense hype here. It makes it hard for you to tell what’s genuinely new. And what’s the old hat.

Pat Adams and his Mystic Meg cohorts don’t exactly make it clear do they?

How information marketing business work

The idea behind all these kinds of business is that you can use multiple techniques to market an information product online, or offline… in magazines, newspapers, etc.

With a clutch of products, you can build up some good streams of income.

If you’re interested, take a look at review section on the left hand side of this site under ‘marketing information’ and ‘online businesses’.

You’ll see my opinion on Andrew Reynolds, Tim Lowe, The Rich Jerk and other gurus who offer these types of biz opps.

There’s some interesting stuff out there. But beware that with this kind of business, it will take you a year or two to start making money. You need dedication and patience.

When it comes to Pat Adams, the hype is huge, and a little bit ridiculous. I don’t believe he offers anything extra that these guys don’t.

However, I haven’t put him to the test myself, so my instincts could be wrong. I’d be interested to know if you’ve ever tried him out. And if so, what you thought.

Don’t touch this with a bargepole

Finally, you may have come across something called ‘Need More Cash Now.’

As far as I can see, this is a pyramid scheme, and it stinks. The promotion is so fishy I feel like adding some chips to it.

No specifics, no credibility, no voice, no unique idea and no product as far as I can see. You just sell people on as part of a chain.

As the promotion elegantly explains:

“Once you have paid to have the first lot of letters sent out the instant commission on your new members will pay for all mailings and get you into profit whilst building your residual income automatically in the background. (The residual income is the monthly commissions paid out every month to you, based on the group that is forming every time you get a new member and every time your members get a member, it will grow automatically if we all do the mailing in the first place).”

Wow. That’s clear, isn’t it?

Not only very bad writing, but a fairly clumsy way of explaining a pyramid scheme. They could at least try and cover it up with the pretence that this is an MLM!

A final word from a sick man

I am still in pretty poor health, and it could be touch and go with this virus.

So if I should die, let these be my final words to you…

There is no “easy cash generator”. There is no magic key. To become truly rich, you need a good idea, some realistic goals, some spare time, and a market to sell to.

Now… where’s my hot toddy?

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